Death of a Neighborhood Witch

Among her bulge-battling companions is Mallory Francis, a B-list movie star with a knack for making frenemies. When she's found strangled during a seaweed wrap gone awry, Jaine is hard-pressed to think of anyone who couldn't have done it. While the suspects mount faster than her hunger pangs, Jaine's search for truth, justice and contraband calories leads her straight to a cold-blooded killer--where murder may be on the menu once again...

"Her books are so outrageously funny, they always make me laugh out loud."--Joanne Fluke

Praise for Laura Levine's Jaine Austen series

"Delightful. . .Jaine's wit shines throughout." --Publishers Weekly on Pampered to Death

"If you love a good mystery, this book is for you." --New York Journal of Books on Death of a Trophy Wife

"This will turn out to be a long series. . .likely to be compared to Janet Evanovich for its humor." --I Love a Mystery on This Pen for Hire

A gal with a serious Ben & Jerry's habit and credits including a tome entitled "I Was Henry Kissinger's Sex Slave" can't afford to be too picky about employment opportunities. So when Beverly Hills socialite SueEllen Kingsley offers Jaine megabucks to ghostwrite a book of hostess tips, it's time to sharpen the #2s.

So what if Jaine has to take dictation from a rail-thin lady of leisure in a bubble bath, sporting man-made breasts-crafted, no doubt, by her plastic surgeon husband, Hal-that qualify as flotation devices? Pride doesn't feed the cat (and Jaine's furry roommate, Prozac, eats more than the average kitty). A dubious side benefit of this particular job is an up-close, personal view of the amorous exploits of Hollywood's ladies-who-lunch. Apparently, swinging is alive and well in LA. The only bright spot is sixteen-year-old Heidi, a girl after Jaine's own heart. Shy, overweight, and oppressed by her stepmother, SueEllen, Heidi could use a friend as much as Jaine could use an ally.

But everything short circuits when Jaine finds SueEllen floating face down in her tub, fried by her own blow dryer. The primary suspect: Heidi, whose account of a mysterious blonde fleeing the scene is greeted with skepticism by Beverly Hills' finest. It's time for Jaine to flash her YWCA membership card (that's Young Women's Criminology Association, for your information), and see which blonde's ambition led to murder. Peroxided suspects abound, including a very private masseuse, a jealous nurse, a former game show hostess…even a closet blonde with a surprising secret. One of them is hiding a murderous heart behind pricey highlights, and Jaine's out to expose the killer's dark roots. Because blondes have enough fun without getting away with murder…

Even worse than the assignment itself is dealing with Patti as a client. At least Jaine's not alone, as nobody can stand the demanding, spoiled, and incredibly rude Bridezilla from Hell. So it isn't a complete surprise when the erstwhile Juliet plunges to her death during her balcony scene. The loosened bolts that brought down the bride were clearly an act of sabotage--what's not so obvious is whom, among Patti's numerous haters, committed this murder most foul...

"Rollicking…Levine's slick wit and sure pacing make this another hit in this entertaining series." --Publishers Weekly

"I'm crazy about Laura Levine's mystery series. Her books are so outrageously funny, they always make me laugh out loud." --Joanne Fluke

Not only is Dorcas's act a bomb, she is heckled by Vic, a gorgeous fellow comic. Naturally when Vic is murdered with Dorcas's pantyhose and that same Dorcas is standing over his dead body, the police arrest...Dorcas. They figure it's an open-and-shut case, although Jaine figures no killer can be that dumb.

But when Jaine sets out to find the real culprit, she is distracted by one dating disaster after another with Andrew--and she may not see the dark side of comedy until she faces the business end of a gun and a cold, deadly grin...

"Fun. . .Jaine's dogged sleuthing and screwball antics will entertain fans of this fizzy series." --Publishers Weekly

Jaine still hasn't found a good man--or a way to keep all those sugary snacks from going straight to her hips. But--with a little help from her best friend Kandi--she's finally landed a gig as a sitcom writer! True, Muffy n Me isn't going to win any Emmys, but for Jaine, being on staff sure beats writing boring brochures and bad resumes. Until the plot thickens--with murder. . .

Jaine figures the trouble all started when Muffy n Me's hottest star, gorgeous Quinn Kirkland, seduced the head writer--whose husband also works on the show. But when Quinn's caught in bed with the barely-legal actress who plays his niece, things really heat up--and his many jealous girlfriends start to figure things out. . .

So when the no-good heartthrob drops dead after nibbling a poisoned doughnut, Jaine isn't terribly surprised. But who could have done it? A competitive co-star and a couple of scorned lovers top Jaine's list of suspects, but the police have zeroed in on her man-crazy pal Kandi. Now Jaine has to figure out who finally stopped Quinn's cheatin' heart--before her best friend ends up behind bars. . .

"The wisecracks and puns again fly fast and thick." --Publishers Weekly

"Hilarious and an absolute delight to read."--I Love a Mystery

"I'm crazy about Laura Levine's mystery series. Her books are so outrageously funny, they always make me laugh out loud." --Joanne Fluke

If clothes make the man, then what do Jaine's elastic-waist pants and T-shirts make her? A fashion nightmare, according to her neighbor, Lance. She doesn't expect Lance--who works in the designer shoe department at Nieman Marcus--to understand...which is how she ends up visiting his favorite boutique, Passions. While the couture is definitely not for Jaine, the staff's gossip is. Tiny orange-haired clerk Becky starts complaining about her co-worker Giselle--a.k.a. "Frenchie"-- a brittle blonde who, when she's not making fun of customers behind their backs, adds extra-marital notches to her Chanel belt. Though Jaine doesn't land a new look, she does land a new job when Passions' owner gives her a chance to write their new magazine ads.

But when Jaine arrives the next morning to pitch her ideas, she finds Frenchie pitched over, stabbed in the neck by one of her own stilettos. Now all Jaine has to do is figure out who hated Frenchie the most, in a case of death by designer knock-off...

"A tale of fashion run amok. . .a lively sense of humor and an ear for the absurd help Jaine overcome any number of setbacks and a host of fashion no-nos."--Kirkus Reviews

"Jaine is a treasure."--Romantic Times

When Bunny generously offers Jaine a gig writing Marvs new advertising campaign, Jaine accepts the job, and an invitation to her upcoming soirée. But at the party Bunny cruelly rules the Cooper mansion and before the evening is over, someone poisons Bunny.

The police arrest Lance, but Jaine knows his murderous urges end at her closet door. Setting out to clear his name, she soon discovers a list of suspects longer than Bunnys credit card bill…

"Zany…series fans will find Jaine as funny as ever. -Publishers Weekly

"If you love a good mystery, this book is for you. -New York Journal of Books

Things are already off to a rocky start when Jaine discovers a stowaway amidst her luggage--her persnickety cat Prozac. Jaine's sinking sensation grows stronger at dinner, where she meets chatty Emily Pritchard, a wealthy seventy-year-old who's traveling with her two nephews. Jaine can't help noticing the tension among them, especially when the cruise's charming--and sleazy--British dancer, Graham, whisks Emily out onto the dance floor.

Soon Emily is accepting Graham's invitations to every social event on the ship. Two nights later the bubbly couple announces their engagement, but the news is quickly overshadowed the next morning by the discovery of Graham's body with an ice pick protruding from his chest. . .

Between hiding a furry fugitive, flirting with Emily's nephew Robbie, and baiting the hook for a clever murderer, Jaine is about to dive into her most dangerous case yet. . .

No one seems to need her help more than geeky, gawky Howard Murdoch. His request is simple enough: a letter proclaiming his undying love for Stacy Lawrence, a gorgeous aerobics instructor. The fact that he's never actually met the woman gives Jaine pause--but she soon overcomes her misgivings, warms up her computer, and starts pitching woo on Howard's behalf. To Jaine's surprise, the letter is a success--the unlikely Romeo lands a date! But his triumph is, sadly, short-lived. On Valentine's Day, Howard finds Stacy bludgeoned to death with a Thigh Master--and is quickly named the prime suspect.

Upon hearing the news, Jaine is shocked. Sure, Howard's awkward, eccentric, and a tiny bit odd. But a murderer? That's hard to believe. Especially after a little sleuthing turns up a whole bunch of people who harbored less-than-loving feelings towards the svelte Stacy. But Jaine had better wrangle her clues quickly, before a crafty killer catches on--and puts a whole new spin on her ghost writing career. . .

"This book is laugh-out-loud funny. A real winner!" --Laurien Berenson

It's a hot, muggy evening, and the last thing Hannah wants to do is squeeze into a pair of pantyhose for the Grand Opening of the refurbished Albion Hotel. But with Hannah's famous Red Velvet cupcakes being served in the hotel's new Red Velvet lounge, she can't bring herself to back out.

The party starts off with a bang with the unexpected arrival of Doctor Bev, a Lake Eden legend who left town in shame after she two-timed her fiancé one too many times. Bev's splashy appearance on the arm of a wealthy investor is the talk of the night. But the gossip comes to a screeching halt when a partygoer takes a mysterious dive off the hotel's rooftop garden.

The victim is the sheriff's secretary, Barbara Donnelly, and she is barely clinging to life. The question is, did she fall--or was she pushed? As the police investigate, the only one who isn't preoccupied with the case is Doctor Bev. She's too busy trying to stir things up with her old flame Norman, who's reunited with Hannah.

Just as Hannah's patience with Bev runs dangerously thin, her rival is found dead at the bottom of Miller's Pond. The only clue the police have is the Red Velvet cupcake Bev ate right before she died--and the tranquilizers someone seems to have baked into it. To everyone's shock, Hannah is now the unlikely target of a murder investigation--and she's feeling the heat in a way she never has before. . .